When Love and Hate Collide
by Rebecca1
Summary: After a particularly gruesome case Hotch makes the decision to bring the victim , a 16 year old girl , home with him . He's determined to show her what a family is and what it means to be a part of one . But are his attempts in vain especially as she's forced to face the object of her nightmares once again after Hotch swore to protect her
1. Chapter 1

She stood there and took the pain, for fifteen years she had taken the pain, the harsh words, the abuse. She was cracking though, slowly, she was losing it. She didn't show it, she didn't cry or scream and her face was straight; no hint of her pain or infact any kind of emotion. _I can take it. They can't break me. They won't break me._she repeated to herself silently; concentrating solely on those words as though it would make them come true. Eventually, the torture had subsided and she was pushed out of the room. She made her way up the stairs as best she could and into her room; hiding in the one place she felt safe, her closet.

**One Year Later**

"Please, Agent Hotchner." She pleaded.

"No, Kathryn." He replied bluntly.

"Why not, I can do it." She replied folding her arms across her chest and pouting.

"You're sixteen; we've just managed to put your father and his friends away for murder as well as the abuse of you. You're not livin' on your own." He pointed out as though it was obvious.

Kathryn huffed. "They're gone, I'm safe, I'm sixteen and capable of living by myself. I don't need to _talk_, I don't need a therapist, I don't need someone to take care of me and I certainly don't need someone looking over my shoulder all the time!" She shouted simultaneously waving her hands around to emphasize what she was saying.

"Calm down!" Hotch said sternly. "You'll live with me, which is not a request. You need stability and living alone will neither do that, support you or help you. In fact, it may even make it worse – do you feel safe when you're on your own Kathryn?" Hotch inquired knowing the answer.

The teen; for the first time in the whole conversation broke eye contact and stared at the floor, hoping it would open and swallow her whole. "Then it is settled, you _will_live with me." Hotch stated matter-of-factly. She looked up to protest until she saw Hotch's 'do not argue with me' look and sighed. "I didn't know FBI agents could even do that." She muttered to herself, not realizing that Hotch had heard the comment.

"The way I see it kid, you have two choices." Morgan started as him and the team entered the Unit Chief's office, stepping forward slightly but not close enough to alarm the girl. "You can live with Hotch and let us help you. This means you talk to us if and when necessary which you _will_have to do, or, you can go into the foster system where you'll be placed with a random family where you'll have to talk to a therapist on a weekly basis. Which would you prefer?"

Kathryn pondered it for a moment but knew the answer she was going to give. "I erm … ok." She replied, her voice barely a whisper.

"You're going to have to speak up." Emily informed her gently. They wanted what was best for her and they didn't want her to go back into the foster system. She'd been there and had always ended up back with her parents. The girl needed a break and she needed to be safe – this was the only way they knew how to do it. It was unprofessional and they shouldn't have gotten so attached to the girl but they couldn't help it, they just had to know that she was ok.

Kathryn shifted uncomfortably, refusing to meet their gaze. "I -I'll erm, can -can I stay with you?" She asked Aaron timidly with a pleading look.

"No." Hotch answered. Kathryn's eyes widened and then she looked to the floor; she'd never felt so unwanted in her life, not that she'd ever been wanted in the first place. Resentment and hatred were the only things she'd ever known and she was stupid to think that could change. It never took long for people to become sick of her and then send her right back to where she came from. She knew Hotch was a good guy who was trying to help her but as usual she'd messed it up and pushed him away. "I never said you could stay with me." Kathryn looked up at him and tilted her head confused. "I believe I said you could live with me. You can't stay with me but you can, however live with me." Hotch elaborated.

Kathryn raised her eyebrows at the older man, momentarily forgetting who she was speaking to, or the lifeline he was throwing to her. Her curiosity or questioning had always gotten her into trouble but it couldn't be helped. Thinking before she spoke was something that she'd unfortunately, never learned. "What's the difference?"

Spencer, taking this as his cue, began to explain the definitions of both 'stay' and 'live' much to Kathryn's amusement and everybody else's dismay. After his five minute speech Rossi turned his attention to Kathryn and asked her for her final decision, to which she unconfidently confirmed that she would live with Hotch, realising that she had lost a battle she couldn't have won no matter what she said.

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	2. Chapter 2

Hotch carried Kathryn's small bag into the house and showed her to her room. It was pretty basic, the carpet and walls a cream colour with a queen sized bed and a pale brown dresser. Of course there was perks to the room; a walk-in wardrobe and en-suite bathroom.

"I know it looks bare right now but JJ, Prentiss and Garcia offered to take you shopping for clothes and anything that's to your liking if you want to change it to make it more personal." Hotch stated. Kathryn simply nodded and thanked him before sitting on the bed.

"Can I go to sleep please, on the bed?" She asked nervously. Aaron looked at her questioningly but didn't ask her about it.

"Yeah." After a moment he added, "everything in this room is yours, including the bed." Kathryn smiled and lay down, falling asleep within minutes of her head hitting the pillow. She'd never slept on an actual bed, just on the floor or occasionally an old battered mattress with the springs sticking out.

Hotch sighed and continued into his own room to get some sleep of his own knowing that they both had a long journey ahead of them.

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Aaron awoke the next day to a noise from downstairs. Slowly getting out of bed, he walked down the stairs, being careful not to make a noise. He entered the lounge and saw Kathryn sitting on the sofa watching Scrubs.

"What're you doing?" He asked; wincing when it came out harshly. He watched as the fear filled her eyes and she jumped off the sofa, backing away from him.

"I -I, I'm sorry, sir." She spoke quickly. The moment her back found the wall, she moved her hands in front of her face as though shielding herself from getting hit.

"No, it's ok you just startled me." He told her in an effort to calm the terrified girl down. He began to move slowly towards her, his hands where she could see them the whole time. "It's alright Kathryn, I promise you that I will not touch or hurt you in any kind of way." After a minute, he'd reached her.

"No please don't. I'll be good, I won't- please." The teen begged, involuntary tears falling from her eyes. Aaron had been so nice to her and then she'd gone and done something so stupid. She should know better than that, it wasn't her place to turn on the tv or sit on the sofa, she belonged on the floor like the worthless creature she was.

The Unit Chief had no idea how to go about their situation. The fear in her eyes, her increased breathing rate and pleading, he just had no idea how to make calm her down. "I'm not gonna hurt you, please, just, put your arms down." This time his voice obeyed him and was gentle, like when he was talking to Jack.

Kathryn, thinking this was her safest bet slowly lowered her arms. The punishment wouldn't be as bad if she obeyed him. "I'm sorry." It was a whisper but all she could manage in her current state of panic. Before this she'd expecting all of the punishments and fun they liked to have but it'd been completely unexpected this time because he'd been so nice to her. She mentally cursed herself for being so stupid and letting her guard down, of course it wouldn't be any different.

"No its ok, I'm sorry." Aaron admitted, still with his hands visible to her and unmoving, no way did he want to scare her anymore with any sudden movements. "It was my fault, I didn't mean to startle you it's just that Jack sleeps in on a weekend and I didn't think you'd be up so early. You seemed so tired last night."

No-one had ever apologised to the girl before right now and so she struggled with how to respond. Was he tricking her? Should she thank him? Or should she continue to apologise for her stupid assumptions? He expected her to stay in bed so should she go back up there or was it too late now?

Sensing her discomfort he decided to fill the silence. "Can I put my arms down?" For a moment her eyebrows knitted together in confusion until she cautiously nodded. Very slowly, he obliged. "D'you want some breakfast?"

"Ok?" Normally, the teenager never ate breakfast, she'd be lucky if she got one meal a day but she didn't want to push or annoy him. She'd be a good girl. If she was a good girl she wouldn't get hurt.

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Emily, Penelope and JJ had picked Kathryn up at midday to go shopping after inspecting her room at Garcia's insistence. When they'd first arrived, they'd seen Jack and her playing together with his animal toys in a farm. It seemed she was enjoying herself having never experienced such a thing prior to being in the Hotchner household. Reluctantly, she'd left with them after looking to her guardian, searching his face for any sign that it was a trick.

"What about this?" Emily asked, picking up a pale blue bed set. Kathryn had informed them that she'd liked the cream coloured walls and carpet but had decided that there needed to be some form of colour in there. Although this admission had taken a lot of coaxing on their part and even then she'd whispered it rather than said it.

"There's several colours so feel free to choose your own, Prentiss just has something against any form of pink." Garcia stated, eliciting an eye roll from said woman.

"Er, red?" Hesitantly, the teen took a step forward and pointed at the packaged dark red material. Upon seeing the price she double-backed and told them it didn't matter. $20 was too expensive, she'd never had that much spent on her unless she was out in public with her parents playing happy family but even then she'd get punished afterwards.

"Red it is." JJ smiled, picking it up and throwing it into the basket Garcia had hold of.

"No, really, the sheets I have now are fine." They were just too difficult to figure out, their smiles seemed genuine and they seemed nice but she'd learned a very long time ago that looks could be deceiving.

"It's ok, really. The red was a good choice. Now we have to find you a desk and bookshelf." Prentiss contradicted the girl. And to think she thought they'd been making progress with her.

"And a chair." Penelope piped up.

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Kathryn had been exhausted when she'd been dropped off at the Hotchner residence. After the desk, bookshelf and chair they'd gone on to buy her a laptop – she'd tried to refuse but they'd insisted. Then they went clothes shopping which was mortifying, they were asking her size and making her try stuff on and then they actually got her some underwear! They'd acted like it was nothing when they'd actually spent so much on her. There were so many bags that it filled the boot and whole back seats of the two SUV's. 'Reinforcements' ie Dave, Spencer and Derek had been called by the three female agents to build the matching wooden bookshelf and desk as well as the computer chair whilst Penelope set the laptop up for her. Emily changed the bedding for her after it'd been washed and then proceeded to add the stuffed bear they'd got her to the mix whilst JJ put some books into the bookshelf accompanied by some empty photo frames in case she needed some in the future. It took four hours and the whole of the team's washing machines and dryers to get all of Kathryn's new clothes cleaned and an additional hour to sort it out and put it away – underwear in the top drawer of her dresser, socks in the second and pj's in the third. In the wardrobe were, from left to right, the casual summer dresses followed by shorts, jeans, vest tops, t-shirts, casual blouses, cardigans, jackets and jumpers. Along the bottom of the wardrobe lay a variety of different types of shoes, all neatly placed. The minute she saw it (they'd kept her downstairs until they'd finished sorting it out) she loved it and almost had to be dragged down the stairs for dinner.

"Thank you." The team glanced up from the meals to look at the owner of the words. "For all of this and stuff." She said becoming uncomfortable by all the attention. Seven smiles graced her and for the first time ever, she felt safe.

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	3. Chapter 3

"Kill her." Her father instructed.

"N-no." The 8-year-old replied. She had tried to sound sure of herself but the word came out as more scared if anything. This caused the 43-year-old, short brunette haired man to move closer to the 40-year-old woman and slice her across her arm. The woman was beautiful, long blonde hair with grey/blue eyes so kind and caring, accompanied by her long eye lashes. Her skin was perfectly soft, her cheeks always a slight red and her ears were pierced once; simple gold studs with a small diamond in them residing through each ear. She had an hourglass figure. This was how she looked before. Now there was blood trickling down her body. She was sat in a wooden chair; her arms and legs strapped down. She'd been stripped down to her underwear and they were covered with blood. There was dried blood down her chest and stomach as well as the fresh blood on her arms from just moments ago. Burn marks trailed down her form along with bruises and other shallow cuts. Her hair looked lifeless and scruffy, her eyes full of terror and hurt, her face was pale and didn't show off her deceiving beauty.

"Why are you doing this to her? She hasn't done anything!" The man who was restrained on a similar chair next to her shouted. This only caused Paul to smile and cut the woman again on her right arm, a nice shallow cut that was enough to cause her pain and bleed but not enough to kill her. She screamed and cried like each time before.

"Please." She begged. "Just kill me. I want you to, he won't stop. You know that, just kill me." She was becoming increasingly hysterical as she pleaded with her daughter. Her hair too was long, ending just before her waist though her hair was a light shade of brown. Her eyes were hazel and eyelashes long. She bit her lip out of confliction, killing somebody was wrong she knew, but it was her mother regardless and she was suffering.

"Don't do it, you know better than this." The restrained man shouted once again, fighting against his restrains despite the knowledge that it was useless. This earned him a long slice against his bicep. However, he refused to scream, didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

"I can't. It's wrong." She replied. The girl was able to hide her emotions well – although she was crumbling inside, sick to her stomach and praying that someone would find them - on the outside she was composed with a straight face, her eyes trained on the broken woman in front of her. By now Paul was in front of her. He punched the pre-pubescent child causing her to fall backwards. After picking her up by her hair, he forced the knife into her hand.

"Kill her!" He demanded. She could hear the venom in his voice and knew there were going to be bad consequences for the choice she was about to make. Looking guiltily over to the man sat next to the woman, she walked a step towards her.

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"Daddy! Daddy!" Jack cried, jumping on his father to wake him up. Hotch woke immediately due to the panic in his son's voice. In an instant the man was up and out of bed, rushing into his new resident's room.

"Jack go to your room." When he didn't move he became more authoritative making Jack obey. The girl continued to scream and shout, lost in her nightmare. He proceeded to her bed, turned on the bedside lamp and held down her arms to stop her from hurting herself or him from her thrashing about.

"Kathryn." He said. "Kathryn, it's ok. You're safe." He was finding it difficult to keep her arms pinned to the bed; he already had scratches on his face and arms from when she escaped his grip. As he continued to call her name, telling her that she was safe, the girl woke with a start. The teenager's chest was moving rapidly as she took in terrified breaths. Her eyes were full of tears, fear and pain. When she saw Aaron and his face her eyes widened as she pulled herself free and out of the bed.

"Get away!" She screamed, not being able to shake herself from her dream and not realising that she was crying. She'd never had a nightmare that vivid and real before which only made it all the worse for the girl. "Don't hurt me, not tonight. I've had enough. Had enough." Sinking to the floor near the wall, she brought her knees up to her chest and rocked back and forth as she cried, repeating that she'd had enough.

After half an hour of calming the hysterical girl down and comforting her after her endless apologies and vague talk about her nightmare, he thought she was ready to go back to sleep.

"I'm – not tired anymore." She stated warily. He sighed and sat back down on her bed where he'd managed to coax her into eventually.

"It's 2am and I can tell that you're tired. I'm a profiler, it's what I do." He smiled as she rolled her eyes, thinking he wouldn't notice.

Her face became serious, it was so good that it could contend with Hotch's, "I think I'll just stay up for a while and read. Please?" Kathryn's eyes pleaded with him to understand, and he sighed in defeat.

"Ok." Aaron began. "Yah know, it's ok to be vulnerable every once in a while. It's not easy I know but it's also what makes us human. I think some of the strongest people in the world are those who let themselves show emotion, talk about their feelings or ask for what they really need. This isn't a temporary thing Kathryn, you are living with me. All of this," he said, gesturing to the room, "is yours; this house belongs to me, you and Jack. I'm here whenever you need me. Always. Don't forget that." Getting a slight nod and small smile in reply he took it as his cue to leave.

"I'm sorry for waking you." The teen whispered to the retreating form of her guardian who smiled as he closed her door to. They both knew she wasn't going to sleep.

- . - . - . - . - . - . - .

**There's this one …**

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	4. Chapter 4

Kathryn had been listening to the radio when Jack ran in, jumped on the bed and hugged her as best he could. It took all of her self-control not to flinch or push him away from her.

"Are you ok today?" Jack asked, his concern mirroring his daddy's. She thought it was quite cute how much the two were alike though she'd never admit it.

"Yeah I am. Who couldn't be after you've hugged them?" The girl smiled at him. To Jack it would seem like a genuine smile but to someone like Aaron there was no way to hide how fake it was. Truth was that she wasn't ok – she would prefer to be on her own. She didn't like having people constantly around her, checking up on her or giving her things. It'd been sixteen years, that's nine years of independence and having to learn to break herself away from anyone and everyone who tried to get close to her and now there they were. They were breaking her and scaring her more everyday – she didn't know when the first blow would come, just that it would, and the more they made her wait the more anxious she became. Living with the Hotchner's and seeing the BAU team was great but she wanted to fend for herself, it was all she'd ever known and she didn't like rules. Were there rules with her father? Yes. They all ended with a beating or worse and everyday her father would tell her she'd broken one of these rules and so every day she was disciplined accordingly. However, now and in her new 'home' the rules were different and she'd never seen Aaron lay a hand on his son even when he'd broken a rule like not going to bed when he should. For this she'd have gotten beaten for but all Jack got was a light chastise from his dad and then carried into his room and tucked into bed with a kiss on his forehead. It was too foreign for her to understand and she didn't want to understand it, she just wanted to be alone and know that there was no-one around that could get inside her head and make her trust them.

"Come on, daddy's making chocolate chip pancakes!" The kid shouted excitedly as he pulled on her hand. Grudgingly, she got out of her warm bed, picked Jack up and trudged down the stairs.

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It had been decided upon over breakfast that, as Hotch had a rare day off, the trio would go to the park for a picnic. Kathryn sat back and watched as the father and son prepared the food, resisting their attempts to get her to help.

The trio chose to sit underneath a large oak tree as it was a hot day. The sun blazed in the sky, the grass was warm and had been recently trimmed. Jack was running around with his football, playing with some other boys his age that were regulars at the park. It was moments like this that Hotch lived for – seeing his little boy smiling and enjoying himself. Well that and seeing good days on cases when they'd save somebody's life and return them back to their families. Lastly was his team, he loved when they had time off and all of them could just have dinner together or go out, Jack loved to see his aunt's and uncle's just as much as he loved to see Henry.

"Erm... A-aaron?" A voice next to him shook him out of his thoughts. Kathryn looked concerned at the blank look that was plastered across his face; however it then turned into a small re-assuring smile when he glanced her way. They fell into an uncomfortable silence, both watching Jack play for a while, not quite knowing what to say or where to begin. "Thankyou." The girl said out of the blue. "For last night I mean."

"What?" He said this a little sternly and she noticeably flinched – it was only a slight movement and someone who wasn't as trained as Hotch would more than likely not have picked up on it – unfortunately, he wasn't just anybody. "Sorry, I didn't mean to sound so, harsh. You don't have to thank me, it's what I'm here for."

"No it's ok." He did not look convinced making her roll her eyes and sigh. "Really." Another intense stare fell upon her from the man. She had tried to sound adamant and attempted to make it sound truthful but she knew that he knew she was lying. "I just wanted you to know that I'm grateful, I guess." Refusing to look at him, she took a bite out of the melting chocolate bar.

"You know, I know how you feel." Hotch had turned away to look straight ahead of him rather than watch her.

"How could you possibly know?" The question came out rather sarcastically and with attitude laced throughout it which earned her a glare. She cowered slightly and bit her lip in fear. She needed to learn to think before she spoke.

"No need for the sarcasm." He said in a real parental manner and it rendered her silent. Noticing this he took it as an opportunity to continue talking.

"My father." He started, looking at her absently. He shuddered as the memories floated back to him. "He was a lawyer. He drank a lot and had affairs. I guess it was because of the job or maybe he just thought he was important and able to do whatever he wanted. Before I joined the Bureau I was a lawyer. I had a wife and I was happy; except for with my job. I wanted to help those people before they hit my desk. It was stressful; not as stressful as being in the BAU, granted but." He looked away again, staring out in front of him. His eyes were completely vacant of anything as he stared out into the distance. Kathryn had never heard anyone be so open with her before. She had never seen Hotch this vulnerable, and it unnerved her, wondering why he was telling her something that seemed so painful for him. "He was a mean drunk. That's how it started – he would drink and knock my mum around a little bit. I was 10 at the time. It began to happen on a more regular basis and I tried to stop him, especially as my brother got older. After that he did the same to me – only now he didn't need the alcohol to hit us. It carried on for years, right up until he got sick and couldn't do it anymore. Yet he expected our help right up until he died. He pushed me into the back of the staircase once before hitting me in the stomach. He then went and dragged my mum into their bedroom before he-"

"Did he get caught or go to prison?" She asked him in a small voice afraid in case he snapped at her. It was awkward and she had no idea what she should do or say to him or what he expected her to do.

"He died of a heart attack when he was 47 though he had cancer and my mum died 4 years ago." The agent turned to the teen then, staring at her intently and trying to make her understand. "I know it's hard to trust people and you think that everyone wants to hurt you. I was the same way. You learn not to show your emotions because it's easier, you don't get hurt as much, they don't enjoy it as much. I get it. It's ok to have nightmares and not be ok. I promised myself that if I ever had children I would never be like my dad – or my mum." Kathryn looked at him in confusion then which made him laugh a little and smile, something he'd been doing more regularly recently.

"Why not your mum, she didn't do anything?" It was out of character for her and momentarily took the man by surprise though he quickly composed himself.

"My mum suffered in silence. She never told anyone – I begged her to leave him and take us with her but she refused. She said that she couldn't betray him like that. I'd decided to never be like my father for obvious reasons. I decided that I'd do best by my children, do everything I could to keep them safe, give them all the things that I never had and more. I decided that I'd read to them every night, make them waffles for breakfast, make my infamous macaroni cheese." To this he grinned. It was her turn to laugh. She couldn't help thinking how that was all she had wanted – someone to love and care for her in that way. "The point is is I made a choice. I chose to carry on with my life and I became more determined than ever to prove myself to the world – prove that I could rise above it all and make something of myself. My father used to call me worthless but here I am, Unit Chief of the BAU. Although I wish I could be with Jack more often I treasure the time I do spend with him. That's what life's about. I know I'm still pretty messed up in terms of not showing my 'human side' as Dave calls it more often, but, consider yourself shown." She half smiled, knowing what he was trying to tell her. He smiled back and continued. "If you need to talk to me, I'm here. I don't care what it is you want to talk to me about; how stupid you think it is or how pointless. Trust me it's not. I won't judge you, that's a promise. You are a part of this family now. Of our family. I don't expect you to whole-heartedly trust me or feel obligated to do anything for me. You deserve to be looked after for once in your life and that's what I'm here for – although if you want to load the dishwasher after dinner every night that's fine too." He added, eliciting a laugh from her. At least he managed to cheer her up. The thought made him smile – really smile. They were making progress, if only a little.

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	5. Chapter 5

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She'd been living with the two Hotchner's for a month and a half before school started. Slowly, the trust began to build up and she didn't flinch or fear her guardian as much as she did. Although the team were there often it still made her uncomfortable to be around that large a group of people, not that she'd ever tell them. However, any physical contact made between her and anyone else was an issue unless she initiated it. The BAU team had ensured that she talked to one of them at least once a week; usually Hotch or one of the girls though a lot of the time Kathryn just talked about how she was finding living with their Unit Chief opposed to her past. She also refused to talk about her nightmares; they'd gone from almost every night to once or twice a week but, despite her promise to Aaron about her coming to him whenever she had a bad dream, she ignored them and dealt with them herself.

The first day of school had been hard, people pushing and shoving past her or questioning her, trying to be her friend. She didn't want to have friends; it was easier that way. Unfortunately, fate was against her on that one and two girls decided to 'adopt' her into their circle of 'popular' friends. One thing she hated about school was the social aspect, the popular people, the normal people and then the people who got bullied or had no friends. It was quite sad that they had no-one, she'd felt like that before too – granted not quite in the same way.

"So how was your first day?" Aaron asked as Kathryn got into the FBI issued SUV.

"Got lots of homework." Every subject she'd had that day rewarded her with homework – maths and essay questions, reading and note taking. For a long while she'd considered not doing it.

"Well I guess you can get started when you get home." He told her, starting the car and pulling away from the pavement. She groaned and muttered 'yes sir' sarcastically making him smile. "Make any friends?"

"Involuntarily, yes. Got asked to go shopping with them over the weekend and don't worry I already have an excuse as to why I'm not gonna be able to go. Gotta babysit Jack, too much homework or I'll just miraculously have really important plans that I just can't get out of." Socialising was not her forte and she hated shopping almost as much as she hated school.

"Just go, it'll be good for you to get out of the house for a bit and have fun."

The teen snorted. "I can have fun at home, I don't need to stand around and listen to them gossiping over who their celebrity crush is or how hot the football team are. It's not exactly mentally stimulating, I think I'd prefer to watch TV or read – in fact I might even prefer my homework." Both noticed the fact that she'd referred to the Hotchner residence as 'home' but neither mentioned it which Kathryn was grateful for. It was true, she'd become increasingly comfortable there and she loved it.

"TV? Reading? Homework? You really have been lying around too much. Humour me then and go, you might surprise yourself and enjoy it." He reasoned to the stubborn teen that groaned and agreed. Hotch smirked at his small victory.

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	6. Chapter 6

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Staying true to her word, grudgingly she'd gone shopping with her two friends; Liz and Charlotte. Aaron had given her money, which Kathryn had reluctantly accepted after the man's very forceful insistence. They went for lunch at McDonalds and she found she quite enjoyed it, having not had anything like that before.

"So what d'you think of Danny?" Charlotte gushed, addressing Kathryn as they walked into a random clothes store which, to Kathie, seemed the same as the last four they'd entered.

"He's an idiot." She told them bluntly making them both gasp in utter shock. Nobody talked about him like that and everyone had a crush on him; he was the captain of the football team and the most popular guy in school.

"He's hot, great at football, nice and single." Liz listed as she picked up a too short black skirt, scrutinising it. "What's not to like?" Charlotte grinned and nodded her head enthusiastically.

"And I bet you'd jump at the opportunity to have sex with him or even go on a date with him if he asked, and you wouldn't care how he treated you or anyone else as long as you were dating the most popular guy in school." Kathryn replied, inspecting a white t-shirt with a black Batman symbol on it – she didn't actually like Batman but did like the top.

"What and you wouldn't? It's Danny Jones we're talking about! And you're fashion choices aren't great by the way. We should maybe fix that." Liz told her matter-of-factly as she saw the brunette picking up a black cardigan and a series of vest tops.

"No, it's ok but thanks." She made a mental note to inform Aaron that he was never to convince her to go shopping with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum again. She smiled at their new nicknames deciding that Charlotte was definitely Tweedle Dee, leaving little blonde Lizzy as Tweedle Dum. Perfect fit. "I'm not interested in fashion, just choose and wear what I like." The two other girls gasped once again making Kathryn groan in annoyance – she didn't know what was worse, this or getting beaten by her father and she wasn't leaning towards the latter; that she could take after so many years of suffering but shopping with stereotypical girls she had no experience with, and nor did she want to have a continued experience with it. Walking over to the till and paying for the various items she'd brought, she left the shop and began her trek home leaving Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum staring after her.

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The moment she'd gotten home she emptied the washing machine and dryer so she could put her new clothes in and then began her search for Aaron, who not all that surprisingly, was in his study as Jack was at a friend's house for a couple of hours. The teen made her way in without knocking, startling the father for a moment.

"You're home early." The man stated in a not so surprised voice.

"I am never taking your advice again. It was horrible; torture; agony; I was suffering at the hands of two idiots obsessed with Robert Pattinson, Twilight, boys and how much they love Enrique frickin' Iglesias!" The girl moaned, flopping down on a chair opposite him and blowing out a long breath. HE laughed and she glared at him.

"Yeah, I think it's a girl thing. And anyway you like Twilight and that Enrique Iglesias guy so what's the problem?" Hotch could get into the minds of serial killers and understand them, he could profile people to no end, but one think he couldn't do was understand a woman. In fact, the very thought made him shudder, afraid of what he might find.

"Ok, Twilight's a good film and I only read the books cos I wanted to know what happened." Kathryn defended herself, much to the father's amusement. "But it doesn't mean I want to talk about it or about how good it is, how stupid Bella is or who's hotter out of Edward and Jacob and by the way, Charlotte loves Edward and Liz Jacob. They're both just so cute." She told him sarcastically, imitating the voice of Tweedle Dum.

"It was one shopping trip, and anyway isn't that what girls your age talk about?" Hotch asked, glad to be talking to her and for the break she was giving him from his work. Truthfully, he'd been nervous about her going out and had wanted her home the minute she'd left, wanting her to be safe. As irrational as it was every time she walked out the door he had the feeling that she required protecting, that one day she'd never return home. The thought always paralysed him, needing to see her to know she was safe.

"How am I supposed to know!?" She asked in exasperation. "I never actually hung out with anyone unless, erm, well that doesn't actually matter." He gave her a look that told her that he was about to push for information so she quickly moved on, not wanting him to know exactly what her and her old friends used to do. "Here's your change by the way."

"Keep it." Hotch told her, putting his hand up in a gesture showing he meant it as she held the money out to him.

"Why?" She asked half suspiciously and the other half baffled and he sighed, running his hand through his hair. It was a question she'd asked a lot over their time together. He bit back the annoyance he could feel threatening to take over him at all the things she'd missed as a kid. Sometimes, he could see in her eyes her distrust for him; as though she expected him to hit her or that it was a trick.

"Kathryn, I need you to understand something." His voice was more like the tone he used when talking to Jack. "I'm giving it to you because I want to-"

"But I haven't done anything to deserve it or, I mean, I just, I don't understand _why _you all do it. I don't do anything and I get stuff and it, it's not right, it's just, it's not." The teenager ranted, interrupting the Unit Chief and failing to see the pain and concern in his eyes. He'd thought this was over and that she'd realised why, that they were past this. It appeared they were taking two steps forward and one step back.

"We do it because we want to." He repeated for the umpteenth time. "That's the reason why. You have to understand that people can do things for other people because they want to and not because they're gonna get something out of it too. I give you things because I want you to have them, I don't expect nor do I want anything in return for it." She shook her head and looked down at her hands.

"I'm sorry." The brunette whispered.

"It's alright. There's no need to apologise when you've got nothin' to apologise for." They would get through this, they had to. Hotch told himself this several times over as he watched her, she'd be ok again one day. He had every intention of talking to her about the nightmares she didn't think he knew about, but given the current situation he'd quickly discarded that idea instead deciding to talk to her later or the day after. Cautiously, he stood up and knelt down beside her for a moment before taking her hand in his. "If it makes you feel any better, I do need someone to do the washing." Aaron smiled when she looked at him with a raised eyebrow and a small smirk.

"Already done." Looking down at their hands for a moment, she studied them and just as he noticed her and began to pull his hand back she squeezed it gently. "Thank you."

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	7. Chapter 7

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"_You'll pay for that you little bitch!" Paul snarled, getting up from his usual seat on the worn brown sofa and slapping Kathryn hard across her face. Taking advantage of her momentary surprise, he punched her in the stomach and as she doubled over, raised his knee, her ribs colliding with the offending object. The teen fell and landed on the broken plate, a large piece of it slicing through the skin on her left arm. Kathryn's father watched as her blood seeped into the carpet, and, with his temper rapidly getting worse, he pulled her up by her hair and pushed her into the wall. Wasting no time the man strode forward purposefully and grabbed her neck, lifting her off the ground as he applied pressure, staring in a sick delight as she struggled to breath. _

Kathryn woke with a start, hands moving up to her neck instinctively as she recalled that event. Briefly, she considered going to Hotch and talking to him about her nightmares and then begging for his forgiveness for not telling him – unfortunately, reality came rushing back to her as she remembered that he was on a case and instead Jessica was there looking after Jack and her. She'd then contemplated calling the man but quickly decided against it for two reasons; the first being that she didn't want to disturb or worry him while he was on a case and two because she was still, being her stubborn self, angry at him for thinking she needed a babysitter when she was sixteen! The two had had a twenty minute argument about it before the woman herself came through the door and Kathryn wisely chose to drop the subject as to not upset her.

Running her hands through her hair, she got out of bed and began the trek downstairs and into the kitchen. The teen rummaged through the cupboards looking for something to numb herself with. She nearly gave up before she came across a bottle of scotch in the back of one of the cabinets out of view to anyone who wasn't searching for it. Grabbing a glass, she opened the bottle and filled the glass with the dark red liquid not stopping until it was full then gulping it down and repeating this. Kathryn had made it three quarters of the way through the bottle by the time Hotch had entered the threshold of the house – she didn't notice. He walked through and into the kitchen to get a glass of water when he saw her.

"What the hell are you doing?" Aaron demanded, his voice rose forgetting about the occupants upstairs.

She jumped at the sound, opening and closing her mouth several times trying to come up with an explanation. "Drinking." Although she knew it'd probably only antagonise the man more she wasn't thinking straight having not had alcohol – or anything that had previously helped her numb her pain – since being under her father's roof. No longer did the girl wish to tell him about the nightmares, that urge had long since passed.

"I can see that." He spat, stalking closer to her and snatching up the nearly empty bottle of wine and glass, taking it away from her. "Why?"

"Cos I wanted to. Needed it." She relished in the feeling, the fog that cleared away the remainder of her bad dream. She'd missed alcohol so much.

"You don't _need _it, you want it and that is far from an excuse." Hotch told her furiously. "It's out of the way for a reason Kathryn and I don't expect to come home and find you drinking!" Quickly, he spun around and glared as the teenage laughed at him.

"It's o-kay, it j-ust f-feels so good. So good." She explained inbetween laughs and deep breaths. "You shouldn't be so serious all the time Aaron and you shouldn't think you can fix me- you can't. No-one can, I'm as broken as they get. I don't like and nor do I ever want to feel- nothing, never anything." She'd turned serious looking directly into his brown eyes and his anger dissipated.

"You have to feel, it's inevitable. I'm not tryin' to fix you, just be there for you when you need me. It doesn't do you any favours to drink or try to stop feeling; you just have to get through it." Sighing he inched forward but she jumped up from her stool in annoyance. He hated alcohol.

"No. No, I don't want to get through it, I don't want this! You just don't get it, why can't you just let me be on my own, I don't want to be here!" Kathryn shouted at him, but he didn't flinch instead maintaining eye contact with her.

"You're too young to be on your own." The father told her by way of explanation. "I suggest you go to bed and get some sleep, you know, sleep of the alcohol." His voice was calm and steady, daring her to argue with him.

Jessica rushed down the stairs and into the kitchen upon being woken up by the shouts. "What's going on? Is everything ok?" She asked glancing cautiously between the two.

"Yeah Jess everything's fine. Sorry for waking you." Aaron told her not taking his eyes off the disobedient teen glaring at him.

"I hate you." Kathryn told the man before turning and rushing off upstairs.

Running his hands through his hair in stress he turned and snatched a cup from the side, filling it with water and finishing the glass in seconds. "I'm fine." He said, feeling his ex-sister-in-law's eyes boring into the back of him. Sighing he turned around and offered her a seat at the table as he took the one previously occupied by his daughter.

"How bad it is? I mean, you sure seem to have your work cut out for you. Are you sure you can handle it, handle her?" There was nothing but concern in her voice and for a moment she reminded him of Hayley.

"It's not that bad, sometimes she's fine and other times she questions things but she's never been like that before. Maybe it's just the nearly full bottle of wine she's had." He mused sounding doubtful himself. If he was honest, he'd seen this coming for weeks now but he didn't anticipate her informing him of her hatred for him. "I thought I was helping her, what if I'm just making it worse? I mean did I make the right decision, bringing her home with me?"

Jessica had never seen Aaron doubt himself before and it hurt her to see it now. "You are helping her, it's just gonna take time. She's not gonna be ok right away and it'll probably take years for her to fully get through her ordeal, heck she may never properly get over it, you can't forget what she's been through Aaron. You're doing the best you can and she knows that." Hotch smiled sadly at her and she reciprocated praying to herself that her words were true.

"Thanks Jess." Slowly getting up he announced; "I'm tired so goin to bed, see you in the morning? You coming?" The pair walked up the stairs in companionable silence, both lost in their own thoughts of Kathryn, only stopping for a quick goodnight before separating off into their own rooms.

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**Thanks for reading , I hope it was Ok cos I'm not actually too sure about this chapter**

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	8. Chapter 8

**I'm really sorry about not updating sooner , I've just been busy though I know that's not much of an excuse.**

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Kathryn paced the length of her room like a panther trapped in its cage. She needed something, anything. Upon hearing two doors close, she got changed into jeans, heavy black boots, a t-shirt and a hoodie before grabbing her purse and easing her way out of her room. Out of habit, she grabbed the car keys that'd been left carelessly on the end table by the sofa before slipping out the front door and into Hotch's perfectly parked car. Putting the key in the ignition, Kathryn hesitated knowing that what she was doing was wrong and more or less stealing – whilst intoxicated no less. Still, she reasoned, she'd be fine and she'd done this countless times before yet her conscious nagged at her about Aaron being a good guy and him not deserving this. After an internal struggle that lasted far longer than she would have liked, the sixteen year old started the car and tore from the driveway, racing down the street and far surpassing the speed limit, needing the exciting adrenaline rush it never failed to give her.

A voice echoed in her mind that she couldn't outrun her problems or her nightmares but she'd effectively told that part of her brain to shut up because, although that may be true, it wouldn't stop her from trying. Hotch's face appeared in her mind, disappointment clear in her mind and she nearly turned around but was broken from her struggle by a series of beeping of car horns. Realising she what she was doing she swerved quickly, narrowly missing another car – one that contained a husband, wife and two children. She sighed deciding to take the long way home.

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The summer sun shone through her pale cream curtains and onto her face making Kathryn groan in pain at the headache that threatened to split her head in two. The girl relished in the pain and the guilt, which she thoroughly deserved, especially when she happened to glance over at the end table and saw a glass of water with two painkillers next to it. Getting herself out of bed and over to the curtains proved to be a difficult task but after she made it, she dragged open the curtains knowing she deserved the intense pain that followed as the bright sun engulfed her. Her morning routine, which usually only took twenty minutes took her forty-five and though she looked temptingly at the painkillers she shook her head and left them. She wasn't worthy of the kindness Hotch showed her especially after last night.

Luckily the house was empty but she couldn't stop the slice of hurt that came through her at the prospect of her being alone, of them leaving her alone. Then again, it's not like she could blame them after all trouble she'd caused them. The overwhelming urge to run hit her but as she turned to go upstairs she found Aaron leaning against the entryway, studying her. The idea of being alone suddenly sounded a lot more appealing.

"Did you have fun last night?" He asked casually, stepping forward and into the room with his arms folded.

"Where's Jack and Jessica?"

"Don't change the subject." Hotch told her. "Did you have fun last night?"

For the first time in two months she flinched as his question cut through her relentlessly. She knew there was no correct answer for this kind of question just like how she knew there was going to be some kind of consequence for her actions and her mind instantly trailed back to last night's nightmare. Gulping she straightened up and rolled her shoulders back knowing it was better to act confident and unaffected. "Drinking? Alone? It's not really all that much fun to drink on your own sir."

"No, I didn't mean the drinking." He watched the confusion flit across her face before understanding dawned on her. "Maybe I should elaborate for you? Did you have fun taking my car for a ride last night, whilst you were intoxicated."

Kathryn flinched again as he spat the words out, levelling her with his expert glare. "I'm sorry."

"Not good enough." The teen forced herself to stay where she was as he took a step forward with something in his hands. "Your bag." He informed her by way of explanation as he threw it to her feet.

"I don't understand." She cursed at how timid her voice sounded and for the pain in her chest. Mentally steeling herself especially considering she knew that this would happen, she met the man's gaze.

"It's packed with some of your stuff. Dave's going to come and pick you up shortly." Running his hand through his hair, he forced himself to watch the number of emotions that flickered across her face knowing that this was for the best as much as it would kill him. "We had a deal and you've broken it. Numerous times now actually, what the hell were you thinking Kathryn! You could've been killed; you could've hurt or killed somebody else. Hell, you could be in a prison cell right now!"

"I said I was sorry, what more d'you expect?" She yelled, exasperated.

"More than this." His voice held a very calm and levelled tone and she instantly felt worse but she had no idea what to do to fix it.

"Next time instead of drinking or going for a joy ride just talk to me. I told you I wouldn't judge you for your past but I can and have judged you over this, you're so stupid sometimes. What the hell are you trying to prove, Kathryn? Jokes on me though I guess 'cos I was fool enough to believe you were better than this." Without giving the girl time to answer, he shook his head and walked towards the kitchen, in need of a cup of coffee.

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**So there's the next chapter , I know it's not great but I needed to put something up as I haven't in so long . Thanks to everyone who takes the time to read this .**

**Let me know what you think ? Please ?**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey ! Sorry once again for the long wait – I had exams and stuff then had writer's block .**

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It had been six days since Kathryn's relocation to Rossi's and consequently two days since her last conversation with Aaron. Guilt still ate at her when she thought of her actions, but there was no way to fix it and she'd already apologised. Rossi dropped her off and picked her up from school (when there was a case he had Jessica do it) and when she got home she immediately went to do her homework. For such a big house the girl had found that there wasn't really a lot to do – especially when alone. In truth, she missed Jack waking her up every morning and Hotch making them breakfast with a smile, asking how she slept or about her day.

"Is your homework done?" Dave asked as he walked swiftly into the kitchen, grabbing a cup on his way to the kettle.

"Yeah." Turning the page of the book she'd begun, she attempted to continue reading but the thought that had been floating around her head for the past six days surfaced just then. Another opportunity, one that she wouldn't let slip by again. "Is this permanent now?"

"What?" The older man asked as he picked up his steaming cup of coffee before turning to look at her.

"This. My being here. Is it permanent?" It wasn't that the teen was ungrateful; she just didn't think she could ever see this as a home, not after she'd been with the Hotchner's. Being alone gave her too much time to think and feel guilty or scared. Not that she'd ever tell anybody but she didn't like the thought of going to sleep without knowing that Aaron was there, just down the hall if she ever needed him. Unfortunately, she did and she'd taken that for granted. That, however was little comfort considering her current circumstances.

"What?" He asked again. "You don't like it here?" Rossi sat beside her as he studied her intently.

"It's, er, nice." Kathryn began uncertainly, convinced that it was a trick question. "I just wanna know if this is… how long am I staying here?"

"Beating around the bush isn't really your forte huh." Dave stated with a smirk.

"Answering questions with a straight answer isn't yours either by the looks of it." The teen retorted.

"Touché. Do you not want to be here? Would you rather be with Hotch right now instead of here?" In all honesty, he was beginning to feel glad he lived alone – there was an odd comfort in knowing he was alone instead of having to skirt around a teenage girl. He didn't have the experience and as much as he enjoyed occasionally babysitting for Aaron or JJ, he liked knowing that he had to give them back by the end of the day or night.

Kathie pulled her knees up to her chest as she contemplated how to answer the man's questions without outright saying she wanted to be back to what she considered home; back to Hotch and Jack and even Jessica. For a moment she considered changing the subject, sure that he'd take the hint and drop it too but decided she wouldn't take the coward's way out. Giving herself a mental pep talk and taking the plunge before she had time to back out, she replied. "I like you. I really do, but this is a big place and you're away a lot for work. You know, there could be a serial killer in here now and we wouldn't know – there's so many rooms, you could probably get lost forever in here."

"Thanks, Kathryn. " He told her dryly. "But I'll have you know that there are, and nor have there ever been, any serial killers here. There's also a top of the range security system – along with a top of the range back-up security system – to ensure that my mansion is safe."

"Right. But that's not the point." She took a deep breath as Dave nodded his head in encouragement. "I hate being alone in a house this big. Which by the way, none of this makes sense! How is it that you can't trust me with a car but you can trust me alone in a house full of expensive items – and alcohol?"

"Why not? You seem to have learned your lesson in regards to the alcohol and I have multiple cars and the keys are in view. You didn't touch them when you could have."

"What, are you telling me all of this is some kind of ridiculous test to see if I've 'learned my lesson'? This is some fucking punishment you've both concocted! Who the fuck are the two of you to decide on some stupid punishment for me, to make me feel bad for making an in the heat of the moment decision – which was a really stupid decision I know – knowing that I regret it and still making me stay here. I should've left when I had the chance! I'm not some fucking kid, I'm not your kid or Aaron's – I don't belong to either of you, or anyone for that matter! I don't need to be disciplined or whatever the hell this is, I'm more than aware that what I did was wrong but what you two have done is wrong too. I actually thought I'd really hurt him or caused irreparable damage or something and that he'd finally come to his senses and kicked me out for good and that this was temporary until you could find someone willing to put up with me. Why don't you just let me go, I don't understand why you all think you can help me – I'm beyond help. I'm broken. I. Can't. Be. Fixed. Why Aaron thought he could help me is beyond me, there's only so long you can play pretend and act like everything's fine until it gets screwed up. I can't believe I actually wanted to go back there or even thought of it as home when essentially for the past six days the two of you have been manipulating me. I can't believe I couldn't see it before."

"Feel better?" Rossi asked calmly, as Kathryn stopped pacing to turn and glare at him – a glare that could almost rival Hotch's. "Look, you needed a break from him and he was furious with you. And yes you are a child and you do need to be disciplined – you're bad language needs to stop for a start. Hotch wouldn't give you up, you should know that by now and it's not because he's trying to fix you or any other ridiculous reason you're capable of coming up with. It's because he cares about you kid, and because of that he wants to help you too. You're not broken and you don't need fixing but you do deserve to be able to sleep without having nightmares or drink and do something reckless to get thoughts of your father or what he did to you or your mother out of your head. It was stupid of you to do what you've done and it does deserve punishment. You could've been killed or killed someone else, Kathryn. That's not something to be taken lightly and a simple apology isn't going to magically fix everything. This wasn't the kind of punishment you think it was and it wasn't manipulation either. It was Hotch's way of letting you make your own decision – whether you wanted to stay with him or not. He was trying to give you space which is why he didn't call or come by. So what're you gonna do, kid? Stay here; go back to live with Hotch or go into the foster system?"

"You want me to make a decision now?" She asked, crossing her arms and levelling him with a glare.

"Now's as good a time as any, don't you think?" Rossi quipped, coolly.

The girl worried her lip as her mind raced with the possibilities available to her. If she told him she wanted to go into foster care she could easily run away and though that thought used to appeal to her, it didn't anymore. Now she felt sick at the thought of being so potentially far away from the people who saved her life in so many ways. If she were to choose this option it would definitely hurt them, Hotch especially. She knew this but even though there was a selfish part of her that wanted to hurt him as much as she hurt, there was no way she'd go for that option. That left staying with Rossi or going home but given the fury still burning inside her, neither of those options appealed to her.

"Your face is pretty expressive you know. I already know what you're gonna do. We both do, but I'm gonna make you say it." Dave informed her smugly.

Rolling her eyes, she made her declaration, made the decision she wouldn't be able to take back and prayed it was right.

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**Sorry , I know not a lot happened and actually it seems kinda pointless but it'd be even worse not to have something like this in there to break the story up and have it make sense .**

**Yeah – I'm gonna leave the chapter like this and hope for the best though I know this is far from a half decent chapter but I had to post something and this is all I could come up with … Sad really .**

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